22 Miles of Hell

Today was the last long run of my training plan.  I couldn’t wait to get it over with and the thought of running 22 miles along the canal filled me full of dread.  I know I could have plotted out a different 22 mile route, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t come up with somewhere that long that wasn’t hilly and I knew that if I chose a hilly route, I wouldn’t be able to keep the pace I needed to keep so the canal seemed my only option. 

The run went horrendously if truth be told.  So much so that I had to try really hard to stop myself from crying in the van driving home!!!!  There’s nothing to blame except my own stupid head though.  I let my chimp take over and couldn’t control him at all (if you’ve ever read or heard about the Chimp Paradox you’ll know what I’m talking about, otherwise you’ll think I’ve totally lost it this time).

I just don’t know what happened.  There were a combination of factors but it all boils down to losing my head.  I parked up at Bridge 63 on the canal again (near Haigh Hall) and ran out for 11 miles, which got me to just before the Boat Yard over Houghton way) then turned round and came back.  The first about eight miles were absolutely fine and I was well under nine minute miling but then it all started to go wrong.  I got to past Botany Bay and there are locks there which meant a slight uphill stretch.  Because I had been running on the flat for eight miles, my legs didn’t know what had hit them when I started going up the hill, even though it was only a tiny hill, and the energy just drained from them.  Once I was back on the flat, I just couldn’t get back to my pace again.  Each mile was getting slower and were over the 9.09 minute miling I needed to be doing so my head just started giving up and thinking what’s the point. 

Also, at one point, I stopped to take off my jacket because it had been peeing it down when I first set off but now I was getting warm and after that, my stupid chimp kept saying ‘well you’ve stopped once, it doesn’t matter now if you stop again’. 

Eventually, it go so bad, that I ended up allowing myself to stop at every bridge I came to for a rest.  The upside is that I then told myself I had to run fast to the next bridge before allowing myself another rest and I couldn’t just jog there.  In the end, my average pace was under the 9.09 I need for the marathon but that was moving pace.  Elapsed time was well over because I had stopped so much. 

All the way home, I just kept cursing myself for acting the way I did and I still cringe every time I think about it now but I just couldn’t help it at the time.  I kept trying to fight it and pull myself together but it just didn’t work.  There’s something seriously wrong with my head!  I think I need committing!

Sorry, really waffled on there but I’m still so mad at myself.  It was my last long run before the event so now I’m filled with doubt.  I keep having to tell myself that:

• On the day itself, I won’t have done a very hard spin class the night before and a tough speed session the day before that.
• I’ll be well rested by race day because I’ll have tapered so my legs will be nice and fresh.
• The time of month that the race falls within, is the same time as the month as the excellent 18 miles I did in a 8.45 pace the other week and the really good run I had last weekend up on the tops in just over a ten minute mile pace but that involved a section of scrambling and was on the fells so is an excellent pace for me (time of month counts right?)
• I will have a different new and fresh route to run, not the boring old canal which I have run on so much lately that psychologically I think can be a hindrance. 
• I’ll have a crowd cheering me on.
• I might be able to find a pacer and keep a steady pace rather than doing the first few miles too fast like I did on Saturday.
•  The terrain will be better because there were long stretches on the canal where the path was just a narrow (about a foot wide) channel which was full of mud and deep puddles so that will have slowed me down slightly.

That’s the hope anyway.  I just need to keep telling myself all this so I can stay positive!

Total distance – 22 miles